It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
