I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
