Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's official drugs can't kill me
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
