I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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