Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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