i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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