HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She announced her abortion via fbk
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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