it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
