guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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