He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
