She's JV to your varsity
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
