did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
