i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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