when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Is it penis luge time yet?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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