how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
