3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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