Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
