I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
