I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
