I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
