I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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