You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
