The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize