I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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