Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
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