I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
