i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
