New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
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