I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
