She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
