I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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