I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
