i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
my shit smells like andre
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
