I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
