I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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