I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
