You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
