why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
operation have a gay friend backfired
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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