you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
