he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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