i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize