You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
