I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
