thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
