i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
