Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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