Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Randomize
