Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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