remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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