Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
