I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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