I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
