Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
420 ftw
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
