My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
And then my night got REAL pukey
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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