i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
