They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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