just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
