I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
