Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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