i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
The adults are the big ones right?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
