My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
