My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
