Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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