So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
