Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
