I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
