Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
