I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
