I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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