I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
