Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dicks are not precious.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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