every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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