i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
