I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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