why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
