If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize
