Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize