My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize