Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize