I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
