Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
