Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
