Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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