you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
