I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
