Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
