she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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