Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
