Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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