i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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