when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize